Last night I was listening to a message by Charles Stanley
about the unforgiving heart. In my Christian walk for as much as I feel
that I have grown there are areas that still need to be worked on and
this is one of them. It amazes me at times how something that seems so
little can trigger flash backs from my past and bring that hurt pouring
back in. Taking a new job that I strongly felt led by God to take. It
opened the Pandora’s box to things I felt I had dealt with and healed
from to realizing it was still with me. For this new position I am in
we are learning so much and have test to take and let me tell you taking
test give me so much anxiety. It was that fear of failure and
remembering when I was told I was stupid because in my youth I struggled
with math.
In the last four weeks during my training my emotions have been on overload. I’m either crying, laughing, or quiet and full of bitterness at times. Forgiveness towards those that have hurt me as I said before truly I felt I had closed that door and realized if I want God to forgive me of my wrong doings I needed to do the same and realize we all make mistakes and we can’t change the past but we can change our behavior and move forward. Listening to Charles Stanley made me realize for the most part forgiveness is what I had given but still had not removed the negative towards myself. Meaning feeling worthy, understanding that I will make mistakes but it doesn’t mean I’m stupid or unworthy.
We all can speak things from our mouth that are unwholesome. But do we really think about the impact of our words and the affect on the other person receiving them? No because more than not we are to consumed in our anger, bitterness we are wanting to inflict that same hurt to another that we are feeling or was triggered in us at that time. This is what I really have struggled with in my personal life at times. My husband could say something to me and how I delivers the message to me at times has triggered me to receive it in a negative manner because it may have been something how he said it or his gesture that reminded me about something from my past. Doesn’t make it right because I am not responsible for things from his past nor is he of mine. My first instinct is to defend and pull back and put that wall up or lash out speaking things that are unwholesome. Either way I have handled it hasn’t been in a Christ like manner.
Don’t we all in some way carry our own baggage? Charles Stanley states that when we don’t move past that unforgiveness, hurt, we stay stuck. With this new position what I have realized is that even though the position I held before was challenging and rewarding at the same time. In many ways I was protected from the “world”. Didn’t really deal with cursing, ungodly music playing in my ear, those things that you find everyday in the world. I was mostly around Christians and that was Gods doing because I believe it is where he wanted me to be. Now it’s a new adventure and I am excited about it but wonder if this is also the test of my faith. If I lived my life sheltered how much growth would I gain? I work in the world but I don’t have to behave in the manner of the world we live in.
I have been asked before why am I doing this blog? My answer is this..In my walk as a Christian I don’t claim to be perfect nor will I ever. But I am a child of God and have felt led by him to shed my skin and be truthful so that others that have similar situations realize that without God know matter how hard at times it gets and know matter where you have been or done. God and our Lord is our only hope. We may have to remind ourselves daily we are worthy of love from him but we at the same time need to remember one of the most important things is that our Heavenly Father gave his only begotten son for us. Jesus paid the ultimate price for our sins. We have been instructed all through the bible on what our Father expects from us and Forgiveness is one of those instructions. We must learn to forgive others as well as ourselves. So that we can grow. I don’t want to be stuck and even when I fall I need to repent reach further inside where the Holy spirit is that gives us the strength to draw upon each day.
Nobody knows me the way God does. He knows my struggles, my thoughts, my heart but because I am his child I need to be more diligent in seeking him instead of believing and giving into my past or speaking words from my mouth that are not Christ like. I need to believe in myself as he believes in me. Let go and be free of Satan’s evil attacks.
God Bless and thank you for reading my blog and may all the glory be to God.
http://achristianwalkinfaith.wordpress.com/
In the last four weeks during my training my emotions have been on overload. I’m either crying, laughing, or quiet and full of bitterness at times. Forgiveness towards those that have hurt me as I said before truly I felt I had closed that door and realized if I want God to forgive me of my wrong doings I needed to do the same and realize we all make mistakes and we can’t change the past but we can change our behavior and move forward. Listening to Charles Stanley made me realize for the most part forgiveness is what I had given but still had not removed the negative towards myself. Meaning feeling worthy, understanding that I will make mistakes but it doesn’t mean I’m stupid or unworthy.
We all can speak things from our mouth that are unwholesome. But do we really think about the impact of our words and the affect on the other person receiving them? No because more than not we are to consumed in our anger, bitterness we are wanting to inflict that same hurt to another that we are feeling or was triggered in us at that time. This is what I really have struggled with in my personal life at times. My husband could say something to me and how I delivers the message to me at times has triggered me to receive it in a negative manner because it may have been something how he said it or his gesture that reminded me about something from my past. Doesn’t make it right because I am not responsible for things from his past nor is he of mine. My first instinct is to defend and pull back and put that wall up or lash out speaking things that are unwholesome. Either way I have handled it hasn’t been in a Christ like manner.
Ephesians 4:29-32
29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave youDon’t we all in some way carry our own baggage? Charles Stanley states that when we don’t move past that unforgiveness, hurt, we stay stuck. With this new position what I have realized is that even though the position I held before was challenging and rewarding at the same time. In many ways I was protected from the “world”. Didn’t really deal with cursing, ungodly music playing in my ear, those things that you find everyday in the world. I was mostly around Christians and that was Gods doing because I believe it is where he wanted me to be. Now it’s a new adventure and I am excited about it but wonder if this is also the test of my faith. If I lived my life sheltered how much growth would I gain? I work in the world but I don’t have to behave in the manner of the world we live in.
I have been asked before why am I doing this blog? My answer is this..In my walk as a Christian I don’t claim to be perfect nor will I ever. But I am a child of God and have felt led by him to shed my skin and be truthful so that others that have similar situations realize that without God know matter how hard at times it gets and know matter where you have been or done. God and our Lord is our only hope. We may have to remind ourselves daily we are worthy of love from him but we at the same time need to remember one of the most important things is that our Heavenly Father gave his only begotten son for us. Jesus paid the ultimate price for our sins. We have been instructed all through the bible on what our Father expects from us and Forgiveness is one of those instructions. We must learn to forgive others as well as ourselves. So that we can grow. I don’t want to be stuck and even when I fall I need to repent reach further inside where the Holy spirit is that gives us the strength to draw upon each day.
Nobody knows me the way God does. He knows my struggles, my thoughts, my heart but because I am his child I need to be more diligent in seeking him instead of believing and giving into my past or speaking words from my mouth that are not Christ like. I need to believe in myself as he believes in me. Let go and be free of Satan’s evil attacks.
God Bless and thank you for reading my blog and may all the glory be to God.
http://achristianwalkinfaith.wordpress.com/
No comments:
Post a Comment